Tuesday, November 16, 2010
insomnia
that's it...it's 6:30 and I gotta get up and out by noon. uuuuggghhh and my doctor won't have another available appointment until December 17th.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Now here is an update....
Well, after writing the latest blog entry and also writing another blogesque (I just made up that word gang so add it to your dictionaries it's sort of like burlesque or Abba-esque if you will)
I realized immediately after writing the words, I sound a little depressed. Nothing like suicidal thoughts or wanting to hurt myself, family or friends. I am just painting the picture as I see it. Like it or not, sometimes coffee smells good but it has a bitter or acidic taste. I hope you catch my meaning.
I haven't been approached upfront about it, but, I can tell the vibe is out there with the surge of comments such as, "Remember you are loved" and "I'm here if you need to talk". I should play into it and see how far I can take things. I knew a kid that did it and there were no warning signs.I think the fact that I am so obviously writing about depressing things and really honestly embracing and exploring those feelings is a sure sign that I am not suicidal. I'm sad definitely depressed sure that's what the antidepressants are for. I think most of all it has to do with the fact that time keeps passing by and that is frustrating. My birthday has come and gone without anything monumental to speak of other than doctor's appointments, M.R. Images and things of that nature.
Except for one glimmering new thing...one sliver of tinsel to catch my attention.(that's right I'm coining phrases and making up words...Jealous?!) That is the fact that I've been working with this personal yoga instructor at a much slower pace than the average even beginner level. It has been great an manageable. She and I had the conception to have a MS group class then lo and behold things rapidly fell into place. We are having our first session tomorrow. This is something to look forward to I have a feeling this will be more popular than we first thought it would be that's because I'd starting getting inquiries on the first day the memo went out. That's fast for people with MS. I've gotten the local MS Society on board, the Yoga Studio, the Local Senior Center where it will take place as well as the local Neurology Clinic with their nurses and the hospital too. All of which have had such nice things to say about this to me telling me that this is so important for MS patients to stay active. I've spoken with one of the pharmaceutical suppliers Biogen Idec who is also glad to hear about this and telling me to keep up the good work. I wasn't looking for a pat on the back I just wanted to get some good questions to ask the group of MS patients tomorrow. Well, I think I did but..I'll let the instructor play it by ear. It's her gig I've just done some of the footwork.
She and I have attributed it all to God's plan. The activity planner at the Senior Center used to be my neighbor. I've had a lot of experience working with people, setting up parties with the Body Shop as well as making flyer's for friends bands back in the day, making spreadsheets and understanding certain legal loopholes to avoid with things which may involve Dr.'s Consent like this. I have brought all this to the table and my taking the time to put this together carefully and keeping an open line of communication with all parties will allow this to go off without a hitch. 8)
So No, I'm not suicidal by any measure. Depressed, yes, wouldn't you be if even just waling out in the yard fatigues you. I'm amazed that I've been able to type all of this out of course it has been done in the span of around 3 hours. Lots of breaks and I love the Spell-checker.
Das ist alles.(Deutsch) or S-O-C-K-S if you habla Espagnol
That Is All
I realized immediately after writing the words, I sound a little depressed. Nothing like suicidal thoughts or wanting to hurt myself, family or friends. I am just painting the picture as I see it. Like it or not, sometimes coffee smells good but it has a bitter or acidic taste. I hope you catch my meaning.
I haven't been approached upfront about it, but, I can tell the vibe is out there with the surge of comments such as, "Remember you are loved" and "I'm here if you need to talk". I should play into it and see how far I can take things. I knew a kid that did it and there were no warning signs.I think the fact that I am so obviously writing about depressing things and really honestly embracing and exploring those feelings is a sure sign that I am not suicidal. I'm sad definitely depressed sure that's what the antidepressants are for. I think most of all it has to do with the fact that time keeps passing by and that is frustrating. My birthday has come and gone without anything monumental to speak of other than doctor's appointments, M.R. Images and things of that nature.
Except for one glimmering new thing...one sliver of tinsel to catch my attention.(that's right I'm coining phrases and making up words...Jealous?!) That is the fact that I've been working with this personal yoga instructor at a much slower pace than the average even beginner level. It has been great an manageable. She and I had the conception to have a MS group class then lo and behold things rapidly fell into place. We are having our first session tomorrow. This is something to look forward to I have a feeling this will be more popular than we first thought it would be that's because I'd starting getting inquiries on the first day the memo went out. That's fast for people with MS. I've gotten the local MS Society on board, the Yoga Studio, the Local Senior Center where it will take place as well as the local Neurology Clinic with their nurses and the hospital too. All of which have had such nice things to say about this to me telling me that this is so important for MS patients to stay active. I've spoken with one of the pharmaceutical suppliers Biogen Idec who is also glad to hear about this and telling me to keep up the good work. I wasn't looking for a pat on the back I just wanted to get some good questions to ask the group of MS patients tomorrow. Well, I think I did but..I'll let the instructor play it by ear. It's her gig I've just done some of the footwork.
She and I have attributed it all to God's plan. The activity planner at the Senior Center used to be my neighbor. I've had a lot of experience working with people, setting up parties with the Body Shop as well as making flyer's for friends bands back in the day, making spreadsheets and understanding certain legal loopholes to avoid with things which may involve Dr.'s Consent like this. I have brought all this to the table and my taking the time to put this together carefully and keeping an open line of communication with all parties will allow this to go off without a hitch. 8)
So No, I'm not suicidal by any measure. Depressed, yes, wouldn't you be if even just waling out in the yard fatigues you. I'm amazed that I've been able to type all of this out of course it has been done in the span of around 3 hours. Lots of breaks and I love the Spell-checker.
Das ist alles.(Deutsch) or S-O-C-K-S if you habla Espagnol
That Is All
Sunday, November 7, 2010
It's my birthday....right?!
So, it's my birthday....at least that's what the calendar says. I have had so much going on these past few weeks not to mention the year and heck...the whole decade.
Ten years ago I was in my hey day, enjoying the fruits of labor and loving life. I was active in all aspects of my life and nothing could get me down...nothing could hold me back..I was a free spirit and truly embracing it.
Ten years later, I'm hardly that person anymore. I'm more of a cynic than I ever thought I could be. The whole purpose of life is to kill you. If not physically it will kill you on an emotional level. Life tapers down until you're beaten. One of the guarantees in life is death. (the other is taxes)
So why celebrate? None of this matters. Worries don't matter, stress doesn't matter in the end even taxes won't matter. The only thing left is death.
Screw the cake with candles, forget the gifts that will inevitably end up collecting dust. Don't send me money because as you know it will be taxed. Hold on to the memories of your hey day and be glad that you had them in the first place.
Ten years ago I was in my hey day, enjoying the fruits of labor and loving life. I was active in all aspects of my life and nothing could get me down...nothing could hold me back..I was a free spirit and truly embracing it.
Ten years later, I'm hardly that person anymore. I'm more of a cynic than I ever thought I could be. The whole purpose of life is to kill you. If not physically it will kill you on an emotional level. Life tapers down until you're beaten. One of the guarantees in life is death. (the other is taxes)
So why celebrate? None of this matters. Worries don't matter, stress doesn't matter in the end even taxes won't matter. The only thing left is death.
Screw the cake with candles, forget the gifts that will inevitably end up collecting dust. Don't send me money because as you know it will be taxed. Hold on to the memories of your hey day and be glad that you had them in the first place.
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