Go-Fund-Me

Like my blog? please give me money....did that sound okay? check out my "Go fund me" link: http://www.gofundme.com/my-MS-therapy-bills I'm asking for a small portion of what I owe but it will get me closer to my end goal. Truth be told, I can pay $1,700 and file for Bankruptcy. Yes, that would stay with me for at least 7yrs or I can slowly try to pull myself out of debt. Live the way I have been since my divorce. The bad part is that I'll continue to incur interest until fully paid. I've wanted to go back to school so maybe if this Go-Fund-Me thing works,pay to those creditors off. Next I will continue to live this way while paying for school. The same monthly amount if not needed to pay for medical debt can then be spent on a degree. I would love to finish my degree in interior design but I'm not sure if the credits I'd earned will transfer. After all, I went to college at an art school so I can barely call it "College" but I do. I'd started fresh out of high school and well, lets just say that I think I've missed a couple of reunions. I hear those are just for people to brag about what they've done. Me, well, I got to 100 on farmville. Seriously though, I have accomplishments but nothing spectacular. I live and dream as I watch the world pass along, the mob mentality on its path. As much as things have changed, it's amazing just how much things stay on an even keel. Case in point, there was..keyword was, an asteroid said to be the "size of three football fields" (I'm sure they meant by Length because football fields are in fact linear and did they mean American football? or everyone else in the world's futbol cuz Americans can under-simplify by assuming there is only one sport called football which is played on a field)So an asteroid passed by our little planet today. The asteroid named 2000 EM26 was never a threat at 2million miles away. An article I read about the event stated how people on twitter were following it. Complete with a hash-tag, #ASTEROID for the chat/comments. Most people thought it was a let down, according to the article. The author did have one thing right. If it was "Interesting" it very well could have ended in tears, that is if one had survived such an "Interesting Event" Luckily for us, it was only a near hit. not near miss. I don't like it when people say "Near Miss" because if it was a "Near Miss" that means..well you almost missed it. instead you hit it. It's a pet peeve of mine. So is,when people, usually news anchors, say things like "7a.m. in the morning" NO KIDDING! A.M. is morning. Speaking of a.m. and morning, how crazy is it that midnight is in the A.M.! So whenever someone asks me if I'm a morning person, I could say, yes, and not be lying. I like to stay up late and I do frequently. Sometimes until after 2 a.m. (as it is for me right now). With these thoughts now nicely seeded into the interwebs and consequently the global consciousness keep in mind these words were mine,don't claim these thoughts as yours. If you do, and someone asks your for further explanation you'll be at a loss.

W0W already 2014 Where have I been?

Well, I am a new person these days. I feel my disability led to my divorce which led to my not wanting to stay in my home with my ex. As that goes, he would say he was going to move out and never did. I could not be present as he brought his love interests to MY HOME! Yes we were divorced but that is not normal adult behavior. I left waiting and hoping he would move out but that did not happen, I was welcomed into another homeless man's life. Naturally a bond and relationship developed. Was it too soon for me? Perhaps, this relationship founded on my depression and need and his tumultuous situation including his kids at one point he was put in jail. I am not sure there was any other route I could have taken. Living as a vagrant,....a vagabond,....a wanderer,...well I prefer Nomad. I have my jeep packed with my personal belongings, a warm blanket, some pillows, a window shade to block out the morning sunlight. I have sunblock, a toothbrush and floss,I always have a supply of feminine hygiene products and I carry a roll of toilet paper cuz you never know. I have my hairbrush, shampoo and conditioner, baby wipes for cleaning in public bathrooms. I prefer the kind that only allow one person at a time so I can really 'shower'. I have deodorant, perfume, body spray and several changes of clothes which I keep as clean as I can until I get to a laundry. I keep my electronics such as my sansa music player, my laptop and cell phone (which I keep losing or having stolen, glad I can keep the same number when I activate a new phone. I get the cheap 'disposable' phones no contract so if I don't have the money for minutes then no big deal.)I even have a Bluetooth for my phone and a camera to document things I see. I have a charger that plugs into the cigarette lighter to keep these items charged when I'm not able to plug them anywhere. I keep my fingernails trimmed and clean. I wear makeup on occasion and my hair in order. I don't smoke but am known to enjoy a draft at a local brew-pub. I love my coffee,just black. Yes, I have a bank account usually just enough to support this luxurious lifestyle. I spend carefully, but I always tip better than I should when I do go places with service staff, including coffee shop Baristas. Who although probably live at home with their parents and make more per hour than I ever did. Why is the tip jar at the register? I just paid, so am I tipping the guy operating the register?! Good job you rang it up, charged me an excessive amount, asked me for the total with tax, put it in the drawer and handed me my change (hopefully the right amount) then said "Here's the tip jar....*smile*" WHY DO I HAVE TO TIP FOR A CUP OF COFFEE! My other more common method of payment is my debit card, then I sign it and hand it back. One time I did have this girl say "Oh, you didn't fill this out." looking at it feeling like an ass I threw $1 down and changed the total, plus my donation. I've done this time and time again, little do they know I need that dollar but something makes me feel bad when I don't tip. If I taste the coffee and it sucks, I just won't go back. I don't complain about something so easy to make but how do they mess it up? Instead these days I am fortunate to be couch surfing and whoever's place I'm at typically has a coffee maker. I provide my own coffee and usually just leave what I was unable to use while staying with them. Overall, I don't think most people know this is how I live. This is the new face of being homeless, I don't have much to my name. At least nothing somebody else can't get newer or better than what I've got. I've run into others in like situations they of course look at it as I do, I can't beat them or join them...so I'll just be a wallflower and live vicariously. I enjoy the comradery of coffee houses, brew pubs, free concerts, fun at campgrounds,local games and even loving to not be bothered while reading at a library. I make things workout with friends or family hoping to be invited in even just for a short stint. It's not that I'm totally lazy, my disability has kept me from working and now with my lapse in work...it looks really bad. With so many able bodies willing to work hard compared to me and at my age it's not that easy. So, I live in denial and convince myself that life is good.

??? Eat, Pray, Love...

terribly depressing movie...because it relates to how I feel right now.

I also just need some self discovery, as I'm sure a lot of people can do too. As I sip Merlot, and watch the graceful sunset, I feel so sad and ready to be done with my depression. I'm eager to get to the next plateau, the sadness and fear of not knowing how long that will last. Or, will it be all, finally a life of being solitary? As far as romantic connections anyway.

National MS Society:

National MS Society:

mswalk

My Info for nanite0110: General Settings

LOL
that post is.... slated for deletion

I've thought about blogging, does that count?

So, I've been busy doing who knows what and in this time some moments that are blog worthy happened and yet I didn't make it her to post it. Well, here it is finally.

Some of the events have come full circle, others have gotten better while others quite worse.
Let me tell you about my trip to Seattle back in November.
The day was November 2nd 2009, voting day. My husband and I both got up, packed out suitcases into the car and headed off. First we voted and then took I-90 West to Seattle. On the way there, it was a stressful trip. My husband was speeding and got a ticket. So much for dining out on my Birthday. From then on out there was even more stress. The roads in Seattle are maze like and poorly signed. Downtown Miami is a dream compared to Seattle, come to think of it so is Dallas, L.A. and even Atlanta. The D.O.T. of Seattle must have been on some sort of psychotropic drug to come up with all that madness. At any rate, when we finally got to our hotel I was delighted to be able to see the Space Needle from our hotel room. The manager had put us in a honeymoon suite at a discounted rate.
The next morning it was back out into the maze and dealing with our G.P.S. who kept saying "continue 300 feet then turn left" so we did and she would then say "recalibrating" then she would come back to say "make a u-turn if possible" "then turn left" LOL no matter what it was always telling us to turn left and continue then turn left. I finally realized that it was/is those insane streets in Seattle.
Finally we made it, the parking is underground across the street and there is a tunnel to the hospital. I still hadn't checked in and the University of Washington's hospital floor plan was just as confusing. After wandering and asking several people for directions, I made it to the Neurology Department. I wasn't late either, in fact, I was just on time.
I was happy to meet Dr.Kraft, I did several tests and he revealed to me that his suspicion is that I've had MS symptoms perhaps going as far back as high school. That explains a lot. He also gave me a revelation that I don't need my cane for support but, mostly for balance and confidence. For some reason my brain freaks out without it. I don't use it at home or in familiar places. Crazy. After a few tests with me walking and testing my vision and so forth. It was then asked of us to stay one more night to do more tests, so we did.
The next morning, I went in to have this weirs test with electrodes hooked up on parts of my arms and legs. I had to lay calm and my nerves were zapped with low voltage electrical shocks. It felt sort of like a strong tiny shower sprayer. on my arm it made my thumb twitch, and on my legs it made my big toe twitch. This was the desired result.
I didn't have my next part until that evening. So, back out into the maze and we found this great burger joint, Dick's. There was a news team there interviewing people about the polls and if they voted or not. He was going to ask me but before the camera turned on, I told him "I'm from Idaho and YES I voted" I wasn't in the mood for limelight after the electro session, not to mention the weird goop that was still in my hair even after a week of washing.
We drove around and caught glimpses of Puget Sound most of it was filled with homes or warehouses and docks. We went around to some thrift stores at some point and found the scary part of Seattle. Then, it was back through the maze with a mission to get to the hospital in time for my MRI.
It began at 7pm and I didn't finish until after midnight. I fell asleep listening to Cevin Key. The beauty of MR imaging these days is you can have them cue up music for you to enjoy during you session. The technician asked me what would I like to listen to that he can cue it up from the internet. I asked for Cevin Key, just anything Cevin Key. They had me get up reposition then they slid me back in for more then again this time feet first they took some scans and one more time head first. One of the times they stopped, they had to inject me with dye referred to as contrast. I was so tired when the pulled me out I was asleep. This other tech who I hadn't met came to wake me up and it scared me. I gasped and nearly fell of the table trying to get away from him. I didn't know where I was at first, as it all slowly came back to me, I relaxed a little. This last round began then it was back to sleep for me, dreaming industrial dreams of tranquility.

In the end, we made it back to the hotel and I slept more in the car and also in the hotel room. I was exhausted from all the testing and the maze of streets and was eager to get back to normality
Leaving Seattle was just as confusing trying to listen to the G.P.S. so we turned it off and made it on our own.
The next time we go there, I will make arrangements for my husband to rock climb at R.E.I. apparently you can't just walk in, they have to schedule an instructor and you have to sign their insurance forms etc... I might as well do it too with all the fuss, it might be worth it even if I only make it up 10'.

Fast forward through the holidays of Thanksgiving, Christmas and new years, through valentines and my dad's birthday now today...I learned from my Neurologist that Dr.Kraft doesn't think I qualify for the stem cell transplant. So all of that testing and stress, missing my birthday and worrying about the bills from the whole trip and my husband missing out on work for this time was just a big waste of resources.

so, there you have it. My trip to Seattle.
sorry about that sideways picture, I will fix it later.

My group on FaceBook (FB) and lunch with Nance

Well, I spend a lot of time on FB, specifically on FarmVille (FV). I started doing what's termed
Horse Breeding. It's fun and it's a way for me to get to know people on a more personal/community level. I had the idea to start a group of 'Horse Breeders' and people who like to collect the foals
that we breed.I shared this idea with a fellow horse breeder and she was anxious to learn more. I showed her where the "make a group" link is and she loved it.
I made my group and began to add my friends/FV neighbors. One hour later, I noticed I was added to her group and had a lot of the same people. That was confusing for people, they don't want to toggle back and forth between two similar groups.
I notified people how I was planning on deleting my group. Graciously bowing out so to speak. This was frowned on by people, they didn't mind and it was pointed out to me that while similar groups, there are differences. Foal posting happen in that group while mine is more of a group conversation, some ideas shared and also doing Co-Op farming. This allows us extra points in the game as well as a prize if we finish in a certain amount of time.
One of the girls in my group suggested a specific Co-Op because of the limited and valued prize. (The Grape Sheep) She even suggested the start day/time. I was on board with the idea. When it came time, I allowed her to start it. This is where my plan backfires, most of the people are not her neighbor; Therefore, they can't see the Co-Op.
Sadly, bowing out graciously twice backfired. So, lesson learned. I hope. I will be aggressive for what is rightfully allotted to me. I have just intended for people to move up in the game and know that I helped them. That is what I strive for. Why did it fail? Why did I fail? We may not even win the Co-Op because of it. :( I'll let you know.

That's where I'm at...I liked being a manager and I'm good at it. I didn't realize that so many people out there enjoy being told what to do. I handle it well and I handle it compassionately. This is the way I handle life.

I went to lunch with my friend Nancy (Nance) today, it was great. At one point during our conversation, she asked me a question that actually put a new thought in my mind. She asked me, "Do you think because of your positive demeanor and tone that people are intimidated by you?"
WOW at first I kept saying and denying "Oh, No how is this intimidating?" Then I thought, hmm. Maybe. This could explain a lot of my difficulties with managers, coworkers, nursing staff and the list goes on I'm sure.
It is so odd to see yourself through another's eyes so accurately. Even if that's not true, I can understand how people might be thinking...they themselves are not doing so well that they are not happy. I must be doing something so profoundly above them with better understanding and purpose.
It's that idea of what others see in me at first impression. I will talk and share with anyone who asks, my life is not all kitty-kats and unicorns. I am just an original true epiphany realizing intellectual. I see the world not as it is but, the nature of things and people. I am intimidated by unnatural things and I steer clear of those things. Why do I want those sort of concepts dragging me down. I have found at times it is easier to just fall into depression and play the blame game. Muscle up, accept your faults and once you do that, they tend to dissolve.
It takes some deep soul searching, change of habits and don't lie to yourself.
I'm done for today, I have a farm to keep up on.
Thank you for reading.