Monday, August 30, 2010
more medical issues
I thought I was having a heart attack yesterday. As it turns out, it may be Gallstones. I'm upset because my GP said I have to go to the ER. Like I have the money for that. :(
Saturday, August 21, 2010
the edge of infinity is the beginning of reality
I had this lucid dream, when I was young. In fact I studied and practiced how to have lucid dreams,I had them often. Most dreams have been forgotten; But, there have been a few that stick with me. I have reached a point that I can conjure up dreams and "finish things" in some of my most upsetting or wonderful dreams. It depends on my goal.
In this one dream in particular, I was at a bazaar out in the desert. A friend joined me and showed me this row of small buildings that sold various items. The entire feel of the place was peaceful and serene, although it was out in the middle of the desert. The appeal to me is the solitude. I remember standing in the center of the market with all of the tables and shops. It had a mid Eastern or Moroccan style.
My friend disappeared into a shop and asked for me to go along.
I decided that was not where I was headed, I wanted to change course.
As I realized this in my lucidity, I stopped and faced toward the desert. I could see the horizon and beautiful colors of orange red and yellow. I turned back to look one last time at the shop, I then saw a small picture frame on the wall of the shop. I was able to go over and read it. I was so excited because I knew I was having a lucid dream and any messages like this can be important.
When I got right in front of the picture frame I read it over and over and over, So that I could write it into my dream journal upon waking.
I did just that.
The message didn't make too much sense to me, in fact it never did. Until today, the message seemed so important and I was confident that one day I could make sense of it. I even had this note added to my graduation announcements that I mailed out and handed out just to make sure I immortalized it.
I have read this article today and I gasped in shock and read it over. The article has explained how events happening today effect the past. That reality is only solid once we realize it.
the message in my dream: The edge of infinity is the beginning of reality.
a quote from the article: reality begins and ends with the observer.
The article goes on with explaining how our actions in the past are a direct result from what actions we take today. It's sort of a displacement theory and I understand it as space is set. Objects are set to always be what they are. If I decide today that I want to plant a tree, in the past I will plant that tree.
Now, think about this....did I decide to plant a tree today in the past because I have already planted that tree? Am I lying to myself and claiming that my thoughts today caused my actions in the past? Did I forget and am picking a simple common action because it's easy? I don't know.
The article also uses the analogy of, when observing light from a quasar, we set up a quantum observation on an enormously large scale. It means,the measurements made on the light now, determines the path it took billions of years ago.
It's very deep and maybe not all will understand or relate to it. I do and I am so thrilled that I somehow passed this message from today back to myself in the past.
In this one dream in particular, I was at a bazaar out in the desert. A friend joined me and showed me this row of small buildings that sold various items. The entire feel of the place was peaceful and serene, although it was out in the middle of the desert. The appeal to me is the solitude. I remember standing in the center of the market with all of the tables and shops. It had a mid Eastern or Moroccan style.
My friend disappeared into a shop and asked for me to go along.
I decided that was not where I was headed, I wanted to change course.
As I realized this in my lucidity, I stopped and faced toward the desert. I could see the horizon and beautiful colors of orange red and yellow. I turned back to look one last time at the shop, I then saw a small picture frame on the wall of the shop. I was able to go over and read it. I was so excited because I knew I was having a lucid dream and any messages like this can be important.
When I got right in front of the picture frame I read it over and over and over, So that I could write it into my dream journal upon waking.
I did just that.
The message didn't make too much sense to me, in fact it never did. Until today, the message seemed so important and I was confident that one day I could make sense of it. I even had this note added to my graduation announcements that I mailed out and handed out just to make sure I immortalized it.
I have read this article today and I gasped in shock and read it over. The article has explained how events happening today effect the past. That reality is only solid once we realize it.
the message in my dream: The edge of infinity is the beginning of reality.
a quote from the article: reality begins and ends with the observer.
The article goes on with explaining how our actions in the past are a direct result from what actions we take today. It's sort of a displacement theory and I understand it as space is set. Objects are set to always be what they are. If I decide today that I want to plant a tree, in the past I will plant that tree.
Now, think about this....did I decide to plant a tree today in the past because I have already planted that tree? Am I lying to myself and claiming that my thoughts today caused my actions in the past? Did I forget and am picking a simple common action because it's easy? I don't know.
The article also uses the analogy of, when observing light from a quasar, we set up a quantum observation on an enormously large scale. It means,the measurements made on the light now, determines the path it took billions of years ago.
It's very deep and maybe not all will understand or relate to it. I do and I am so thrilled that I somehow passed this message from today back to myself in the past.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Friday the Thirteenth
Well, I apparently missed the peak of the meteor shower. :( Not because I slept through it, this time it was because of clouds blocking my view. Oh well, maybe tonight. I have been lucky enough to have seen some nice meteors all ready this week.
I am happy that this is an annual event, in my mind it marks the exit of summer making room for autumn. Autumn is my favorite season for so many reasons.
I had my infusion at the infusion center which is right there at the hospital. I was elated that my husband was finally able to join me this time. I was also happy when the nurse weighed me, I was happy to have put on weight. I know that's weird to hear coming from a woman. To me it means that I've built up some muscle mass. This is evidence of my success in gaining more strength and balance as well as having more energy.
I have reached this small goal through simple stretching and balance building techniques. I have kept my goals realistic and attainable which has made it easy for me to reach. Keeping a level head and positive outlook is always been my secret weapon.
That said, I am off to workout doing stretches and maybe some free weights.
I am happy that this is an annual event, in my mind it marks the exit of summer making room for autumn. Autumn is my favorite season for so many reasons.
I had my infusion at the infusion center which is right there at the hospital. I was elated that my husband was finally able to join me this time. I was also happy when the nurse weighed me, I was happy to have put on weight. I know that's weird to hear coming from a woman. To me it means that I've built up some muscle mass. This is evidence of my success in gaining more strength and balance as well as having more energy.
I have reached this small goal through simple stretching and balance building techniques. I have kept my goals realistic and attainable which has made it easy for me to reach. Keeping a level head and positive outlook is always been my secret weapon.
That said, I am off to workout doing stretches and maybe some free weights.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Update on my status
I started writing in a notebook and making notes about my progress.
I've noticed that in the last month or two, my energy has improved despite the summer heat. It is such a nice yet small improvement that I've become more positive and that has kind of snowballed into more energy. Let's face it, when you don't feel good you (at least, I) tend to have less motivation and less energy. That can sort of feel like being trapped in quicksand. The more I struggle, the more energy that drains and the more hopeless I've felt.
It's all about making a mental decision to get up (literally) stretch and move around. After doing this I picked up my free weights and tried to build my flexibility as well as my muscle tone. I have deduced, the time that I was at my worst and not doing basic movements like pushing a shopping cart in the store (sadly doing that for a full grocery store visit is still above my ability at this point). It's working on a realistic idea and taking the baby steps toward those goals.
So, I had to be realistic with myself about my goals and my condition and also be prepared for the challenge as well as be ready to face slip ups and set backs.
It's not going to be easy but I've acknowledged that and have promised not to lie to myself about it.
Copied directly from my notebook so far
July 25th-ish:
Lots of energy, cleaned all day.
*I've made a mental decision to get my body under control* at times when my body buckled from physical exhaustion I told myself "I can't do this!" I heard what I said aloud, then added "But I will!"
I noted which body parts ached the most and which seemed to become exhausted first so I could focus on those parts.
[my rating system overall]
Stamina 10 -I've always had good endurance
strength 3- for now, a month ago I'd give myself a 2
mood-4 battling depression but that's a whole other issue
spirituality-10 although sometimes I become preoccupied
diet 6-focusing on eating good meals is easy it's drinking enough water and remembering to eat that are the issues for me
finishing tasks 1- that is a big issue for me but I'm improving
sleep 5- sometimes I can't fall asleep because my mind races
Today I did workout a little with my 10lb free weight my arms are pretty good I rank them at an 8
my legs -1- (negative 1)
my back is bad -0- (zero/null)
even though my legs are bad to stand on it is something that muscles rebuild more easily than my back.
My back is the first part that spasms and aches. Then the muscles refuse to straighten up. I have completely buckled forward when this happens. :p
the spot is almost/just above or parallel to my elbows [then I have a drawing with an X showing just where]
Balance needs work but I found on my left leg/entire side I'm very weak still.
I've tried to balance on my tiptoes- NO :< not even for a second
balance on my heels- NO :< not even for one second
I felt a pain coming up from a squatted position on my left ankle on the front. Sort of the crook of my ankle if that's what it's called. ?
There is a real loss of my ability to move my foot a certain way with standing. This needs work.
-end of note-
so overall, I need to work on my flexibility, strengthen my back and legs and make sure I make notes about my progress.
It's already one week into August, I've done some other working out but I did not note it. Physically I am the same, the big accomplishment was doing my stationary sitting bike for 30 min. Another day I did some stretching and floor work focusing on balance. (sort of yoga designed for MS but the guy goes way too fast) So I picked certain parts and stretches that felt good and gocused on balance and strengthening the muscles required for balance.
I also dug out my flare bottle and have worked on my eye hand coordination. Back in my flare bartending days I always thought it was a great workout. That's part of why I enjoyed it. I can't capture the back hand stall yet, that will come with more yard days. *shout out to Mike at Flairco :D* If you want a good fun workout get a Flairco http://www.flairco.com/welcome.cfm flair bottle and Dean's video to teach you basic moves...or visit the FBA website.
l8r kids and thanks for reading
I've noticed that in the last month or two, my energy has improved despite the summer heat. It is such a nice yet small improvement that I've become more positive and that has kind of snowballed into more energy. Let's face it, when you don't feel good you (at least, I) tend to have less motivation and less energy. That can sort of feel like being trapped in quicksand. The more I struggle, the more energy that drains and the more hopeless I've felt.
It's all about making a mental decision to get up (literally) stretch and move around. After doing this I picked up my free weights and tried to build my flexibility as well as my muscle tone. I have deduced, the time that I was at my worst and not doing basic movements like pushing a shopping cart in the store (sadly doing that for a full grocery store visit is still above my ability at this point). It's working on a realistic idea and taking the baby steps toward those goals.
So, I had to be realistic with myself about my goals and my condition and also be prepared for the challenge as well as be ready to face slip ups and set backs.
It's not going to be easy but I've acknowledged that and have promised not to lie to myself about it.
Copied directly from my notebook so far
July 25th-ish:
Lots of energy, cleaned all day.
*I've made a mental decision to get my body under control* at times when my body buckled from physical exhaustion I told myself "I can't do this!" I heard what I said aloud, then added "But I will!"
I noted which body parts ached the most and which seemed to become exhausted first so I could focus on those parts.
[my rating system overall]
Stamina 10 -I've always had good endurance
strength 3- for now, a month ago I'd give myself a 2
mood-4 battling depression but that's a whole other issue
spirituality-10 although sometimes I become preoccupied
diet 6-focusing on eating good meals is easy it's drinking enough water and remembering to eat that are the issues for me
finishing tasks 1- that is a big issue for me but I'm improving
sleep 5- sometimes I can't fall asleep because my mind races
Today I did workout a little with my 10lb free weight my arms are pretty good I rank them at an 8
my legs -1- (negative 1)
my back is bad -0- (zero/null)
even though my legs are bad to stand on it is something that muscles rebuild more easily than my back.
My back is the first part that spasms and aches. Then the muscles refuse to straighten up. I have completely buckled forward when this happens. :p
the spot is almost/just above or parallel to my elbows [then I have a drawing with an X showing just where]
Balance needs work but I found on my left leg/entire side I'm very weak still.
I've tried to balance on my tiptoes- NO :< not even for a second
balance on my heels- NO :< not even for one second
I felt a pain coming up from a squatted position on my left ankle on the front. Sort of the crook of my ankle if that's what it's called. ?
There is a real loss of my ability to move my foot a certain way with standing. This needs work.
-end of note-
so overall, I need to work on my flexibility, strengthen my back and legs and make sure I make notes about my progress.
It's already one week into August, I've done some other working out but I did not note it. Physically I am the same, the big accomplishment was doing my stationary sitting bike for 30 min. Another day I did some stretching and floor work focusing on balance. (sort of yoga designed for MS but the guy goes way too fast) So I picked certain parts and stretches that felt good and gocused on balance and strengthening the muscles required for balance.
I also dug out my flare bottle and have worked on my eye hand coordination. Back in my flare bartending days I always thought it was a great workout. That's part of why I enjoyed it. I can't capture the back hand stall yet, that will come with more yard days. *shout out to Mike at Flairco :D* If you want a good fun workout get a Flairco http://www.flairco.com/welcome.cfm flair bottle and Dean's video to teach you basic moves...or visit the FBA website.
l8r kids and thanks for reading
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
whether weather never and what ever
I <3 the days of overcast skies.
There was/is this huge wildfire that burned for days just west of us. It was so large that a firetruck got too close to it and the flames sprang onto the truck. The firefighters lept off and the fire consumed the entire firetruck.
That was last week's news.
Now this beautiful haze has drifted overhead filtering the direct sunlight (which I hate)the filtered light has cast an orange light onto everything. I feel like I'm living in sepia it's beautiful.
The sunset was a magnificent pink orange and red. I know what Cocteau Twins meant now.
I hope this system stays trapped above us for now. If it does decide to move off, I hope that those clear skies only return overnight so I can watch the Perseids Meteor Shower. (08/12-13/10)link
http://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/earthskys-meteor-shower-guide
it's going to be an exceptional display this year. I'll head up to the highest peak to see if I have to.
There was/is this huge wildfire that burned for days just west of us. It was so large that a firetruck got too close to it and the flames sprang onto the truck. The firefighters lept off and the fire consumed the entire firetruck.
That was last week's news.
Now this beautiful haze has drifted overhead filtering the direct sunlight (which I hate)the filtered light has cast an orange light onto everything. I feel like I'm living in sepia it's beautiful.
The sunset was a magnificent pink orange and red. I know what Cocteau Twins meant now.
I hope this system stays trapped above us for now. If it does decide to move off, I hope that those clear skies only return overnight so I can watch the Perseids Meteor Shower. (08/12-13/10)link
http://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/earthskys-meteor-shower-guide
it's going to be an exceptional display this year. I'll head up to the highest peak to see if I have to.
Monday, August 2, 2010
I gotta get out more...
An old friend from high school has his travel photos posted on Face Book.
I'm jealous of Matt. He's kick'n it with a kangaroo, in Australia. Matt's riding high like a king on top of an elephant. He's enjoying the majestic stature of a giraffe and in another contrasting photo he's holding a cute tiger cub (at least I think it was a tiger cub). Matt has been humbled at the base of a giant Sequoya and also dominating over mother nature riding the waves off the coast in Bali.
Suffice it to say, I gotta get out more.
I'm jealous of Matt. He's kick'n it with a kangaroo, in Australia. Matt's riding high like a king on top of an elephant. He's enjoying the majestic stature of a giraffe and in another contrasting photo he's holding a cute tiger cub (at least I think it was a tiger cub). Matt has been humbled at the base of a giant Sequoya and also dominating over mother nature riding the waves off the coast in Bali.
Suffice it to say, I gotta get out more.
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