Update on my status

I started writing in a notebook and making notes about my progress.

I've noticed that in the last month or two, my energy has improved despite the summer heat. It is such a nice yet small improvement that I've become more positive and that has kind of snowballed into more energy. Let's face it, when you don't feel good you (at least, I) tend to have less motivation and less energy. That can sort of feel like being trapped in quicksand. The more I struggle, the more energy that drains and the more hopeless I've felt.

It's all about making a mental decision to get up (literally) stretch and move around. After doing this I picked up my free weights and tried to build my flexibility as well as my muscle tone. I have deduced, the time that I was at my worst and not doing basic movements like pushing a shopping cart in the store (sadly doing that for a full grocery store visit is still above my ability at this point). It's working on a realistic idea and taking the baby steps toward those goals.

So, I had to be realistic with myself about my goals and my condition and also be prepared for the challenge as well as be ready to face slip ups and set backs.
It's not going to be easy but I've acknowledged that and have promised not to lie to myself about it.
Copied directly from my notebook so far
July 25th-ish:
Lots of energy, cleaned all day.
*I've made a mental decision to get my body under control* at times when my body buckled from physical exhaustion I told myself "I can't do this!" I heard what I said aloud, then added "But I will!"
I noted which body parts ached the most and which seemed to become exhausted first so I could focus on those parts.
[my rating system overall]
Stamina 10 -I've always had good endurance
strength 3- for now, a month ago I'd give myself a 2
mood-4 battling depression but that's a whole other issue
spirituality-10 although sometimes I become preoccupied
diet 6-focusing on eating good meals is easy it's drinking enough water and remembering to eat that are the issues for me
finishing tasks 1- that is a big issue for me but I'm improving
sleep 5- sometimes I can't fall asleep because my mind races

Today I did workout a little with my 10lb free weight my arms are pretty good I rank them at an 8
my legs -1- (negative 1)
my back is bad -0- (zero/null)

even though my legs are bad to stand on it is something that muscles rebuild more easily than my back.
My back is the first part that spasms and aches. Then the muscles refuse to straighten up. I have completely buckled forward when this happens. :p

the spot is almost/just above or parallel to my elbows [then I have a drawing with an X showing just where]

Balance needs work but I found on my left leg/entire side I'm very weak still.

I've tried to balance on my tiptoes- NO :< not even for a second
balance on my heels- NO :< not even for one second

I felt a pain coming up from a squatted position on my left ankle on the front. Sort of the crook of my ankle if that's what it's called. ?
There is a real loss of my ability to move my foot a certain way with standing. This needs work.

-end of note-
so overall, I need to work on my flexibility, strengthen my back and legs and make sure I make notes about my progress.

It's already one week into August, I've done some other working out but I did not note it. Physically I am the same, the big accomplishment was doing my stationary sitting bike for 30 min. Another day I did some stretching and floor work focusing on balance. (sort of yoga designed for MS but the guy goes way too fast) So I picked certain parts and stretches that felt good and gocused on balance and strengthening the muscles required for balance.

I also dug out my flare bottle and have worked on my eye hand coordination. Back in my flare bartending days I always thought it was a great workout. That's part of why I enjoyed it. I can't capture the back hand stall yet, that will come with more yard days. *shout out to Mike at Flairco :D* If you want a good fun workout get a Flairco http://www.flairco.com/welcome.cfm flair bottle and Dean's video to teach you basic moves...or visit the FBA website.

l8r kids and thanks for reading