Well, I spend a lot of time on FB, specifically on FarmVille (FV). I started doing what's termed
Horse Breeding. It's fun and it's a way for me to get to know people on a more personal/community level. I had the idea to start a group of 'Horse Breeders' and people who like to collect the foals
that we breed.I shared this idea with a fellow horse breeder and she was anxious to learn more. I showed her where the "make a group" link is and she loved it.
I made my group and began to add my friends/FV neighbors. One hour later, I noticed I was added to her group and had a lot of the same people. That was confusing for people, they don't want to toggle back and forth between two similar groups.
I notified people how I was planning on deleting my group. Graciously bowing out so to speak. This was frowned on by people, they didn't mind and it was pointed out to me that while similar groups, there are differences. Foal posting happen in that group while mine is more of a group conversation, some ideas shared and also doing Co-Op farming. This allows us extra points in the game as well as a prize if we finish in a certain amount of time.
One of the girls in my group suggested a specific Co-Op because of the limited and valued prize. (The Grape Sheep) She even suggested the start day/time. I was on board with the idea. When it came time, I allowed her to start it. This is where my plan backfires, most of the people are not her neighbor; Therefore, they can't see the Co-Op.
Sadly, bowing out graciously twice backfired. So, lesson learned. I hope. I will be aggressive for what is rightfully allotted to me. I have just intended for people to move up in the game and know that I helped them. That is what I strive for. Why did it fail? Why did I fail? We may not even win the Co-Op because of it. :( I'll let you know.
That's where I'm at...I liked being a manager and I'm good at it. I didn't realize that so many people out there enjoy being told what to do. I handle it well and I handle it compassionately. This is the way I handle life.
I went to lunch with my friend Nancy (Nance) today, it was great. At one point during our conversation, she asked me a question that actually put a new thought in my mind. She asked me, "Do you think because of your positive demeanor and tone that people are intimidated by you?"
WOW at first I kept saying and denying "Oh, No how is this intimidating?" Then I thought, hmm. Maybe. This could explain a lot of my difficulties with managers, coworkers, nursing staff and the list goes on I'm sure.
It is so odd to see yourself through another's eyes so accurately. Even if that's not true, I can understand how people might be thinking...they themselves are not doing so well that they are not happy. I must be doing something so profoundly above them with better understanding and purpose.
It's that idea of what others see in me at first impression. I will talk and share with anyone who asks, my life is not all kitty-kats and unicorns. I am just an original true epiphany realizing intellectual. I see the world not as it is but, the nature of things and people. I am intimidated by unnatural things and I steer clear of those things. Why do I want those sort of concepts dragging me down. I have found at times it is easier to just fall into depression and play the blame game. Muscle up, accept your faults and once you do that, they tend to dissolve.
It takes some deep soul searching, change of habits and don't lie to yourself.
I'm done for today, I have a farm to keep up on.
Thank you for reading.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
And the beat goes on....
Hello out there in cyberland how is the new year treating you thus far?
Me? well I do what I do which is pretty much nothing. I lay in bed and tell myself "I'm not here." I don't know why I do this, and yes I literally say that to myself.Maybe in some weird way, I'm hoping that life is but a dream and I'll wake up. Or maybe in some weird way, I'm dead and reviewing my life which could explain why I feel that I'm not in control. The sad truth is, I am here and this is happening or has happened. What do I do? I roll over and go back to sleep. I don't really get up unless I have to, things like paying bills and such. I haven't really been eating too much this past week because I've had this dreadful cold. It started just before my last infusion (on Dec 22nd) and I dared not to tell the nurse. After having two infusions stopped for stupid reasons, I decided to lie and say it was allergies and the reason my temp was so high (100) was because of the sweater I was wearing and the fact that I'd just walked briskly from the front of the hospital all the way back to the short stay unit (this was true and usually I would have used a wheelchair escort)
So, I got the infusion and all was good. The nurse had to try several times at getting the right vein for the infusion, then the next day I'd noticed this huge black bruise. The bruise was about 3 1/2" X 1 1/4". Whatevs. The cold was in full swing by the time I'd noticed this bruise, dealing with where the Theraflu was seemed more important to me anyway. The bruise is barely noticeable now but the cold just lingers.
So, in other news, around this time (Dec 22nd) my grandmother was admitted into the hospital with pneumonia, I think. A few days later she swore off smoking finally, she smoked all her life. So at 85 I am impressed. I'd spoken with her briefly, it ended quickly because my uncle had just made her dinner. Little did I know this was our last interaction. On New Years Eve, I got a call from my dad early in the morning. "Granny B. has passed"
The news was more monumental to me because it meant that was closure for her but now my mom, her daughter, are going to be buried together. Grandma cradling the ashes of my mom. So sad, so depressing and sort of closure for me. I am lucky to have spoken with my Aunt Joannie before the funeral and my cousin Caroline after. It seems to me that they are taking it as well as can be expected. I am hoping to get over to the cemetery in the near future. It's also my mom's grave. I did see her ashes in Texas but now, this is her resting place.
I imagine when I die, my body will be cremated too. As for my ashes?? Maybe in Garden Grove, It's so petty there. Maybe back to Ewa Beach, where this all started. Or I could go to Homer, with my father's side. You ask, does it really matter? well maybe not but wouldn't that be a kicker if it does and you're back from the dead and no friends or family around. Let's get an ambient music lovers group plot, I bet we could enjoy beautiful music together.
.....moving on with life, as it does whether I want it to or not and in this case not, I am focused on the new year. I am wishing for everyone who has a new year's resolution, be realistic and to make it a change for the better. Mine is, no resolution as per usual. I have no idea what this year holds for me and I am not about to make promises I don't know I can keep.
I'd like to say workout more but I don't know what my body can handle. I'd like to say be more active socially but again, sometimes my health does not permit. And the beat goes on.....
thank you for reading
Me? well I do what I do which is pretty much nothing. I lay in bed and tell myself "I'm not here." I don't know why I do this, and yes I literally say that to myself.Maybe in some weird way, I'm hoping that life is but a dream and I'll wake up. Or maybe in some weird way, I'm dead and reviewing my life which could explain why I feel that I'm not in control. The sad truth is, I am here and this is happening or has happened. What do I do? I roll over and go back to sleep. I don't really get up unless I have to, things like paying bills and such. I haven't really been eating too much this past week because I've had this dreadful cold. It started just before my last infusion (on Dec 22nd) and I dared not to tell the nurse. After having two infusions stopped for stupid reasons, I decided to lie and say it was allergies and the reason my temp was so high (100) was because of the sweater I was wearing and the fact that I'd just walked briskly from the front of the hospital all the way back to the short stay unit (this was true and usually I would have used a wheelchair escort)
So, I got the infusion and all was good. The nurse had to try several times at getting the right vein for the infusion, then the next day I'd noticed this huge black bruise. The bruise was about 3 1/2" X 1 1/4". Whatevs. The cold was in full swing by the time I'd noticed this bruise, dealing with where the Theraflu was seemed more important to me anyway. The bruise is barely noticeable now but the cold just lingers.
So, in other news, around this time (Dec 22nd) my grandmother was admitted into the hospital with pneumonia, I think. A few days later she swore off smoking finally, she smoked all her life. So at 85 I am impressed. I'd spoken with her briefly, it ended quickly because my uncle had just made her dinner. Little did I know this was our last interaction. On New Years Eve, I got a call from my dad early in the morning. "Granny B. has passed"
The news was more monumental to me because it meant that was closure for her but now my mom, her daughter, are going to be buried together. Grandma cradling the ashes of my mom. So sad, so depressing and sort of closure for me. I am lucky to have spoken with my Aunt Joannie before the funeral and my cousin Caroline after. It seems to me that they are taking it as well as can be expected. I am hoping to get over to the cemetery in the near future. It's also my mom's grave. I did see her ashes in Texas but now, this is her resting place.
I imagine when I die, my body will be cremated too. As for my ashes?? Maybe in Garden Grove, It's so petty there. Maybe back to Ewa Beach, where this all started. Or I could go to Homer, with my father's side. You ask, does it really matter? well maybe not but wouldn't that be a kicker if it does and you're back from the dead and no friends or family around. Let's get an ambient music lovers group plot, I bet we could enjoy beautiful music together.
.....moving on with life, as it does whether I want it to or not and in this case not, I am focused on the new year. I am wishing for everyone who has a new year's resolution, be realistic and to make it a change for the better. Mine is, no resolution as per usual. I have no idea what this year holds for me and I am not about to make promises I don't know I can keep.
I'd like to say workout more but I don't know what my body can handle. I'd like to say be more active socially but again, sometimes my health does not permit. And the beat goes on.....
thank you for reading
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