....this will be long Just my ramblings.

I feel at this point 2010 has only a few hours remaining. This year was tough but not as bad as 2009. In truth, I feel this entire decade has been rough on most people. 9/11 what a way to start the decade right?! I saw that in a vision before it happened and the only person I told was my then Fiancé (now husband). He knows that these things appear to me the most poignant being Dale Earnhardt. I knew/thought he was already dead in that crash, yet I was shocked that people were wearing his colors and excited about NASCAR I told my husband "I can't believe that there has not been anything on the news about Dale Earnhardt's death." (we lived just south of Daytona where NASCAR and the Daytona 500 are huge) I went to bed, then work the next day, the day of the 'big race'. Then as we all know he had that fatal accident. I came home after work and freaked out. I told my husband "I told you I'm psychic and this is proof".
I do this on occasion and most people don't believe me. Strangely I see images from the future that aren't pin pointed. I saw skyscrapers burning and collapsing. I saw smoke and ash like pulverized cement. (I know that smell and dust from remodeling houses) I could not say what I was seeing, I knew it was in the US though. Then when I saw it on the news I saw the exact same image that I had the vision of. A man jumping out of the skyscraper instead of burning. I saw it all. I had a feeling about the great earthquakes. I knew they'd be all over the globe but in more third world locations. I have this written in a post on the Cocteau forum. I may go back there and copy it to post here.

So I look to the past and find these tragedies, personal with my deteriorating health and more public like the Tsunami or the quake in Haiti. I feel sad like a witness to life and I ask myself what is the point of acquiring 'things'. There's no point in worrying, stress, sadness and on the other side there is no good point in personal human joys, judgments or pride. What matters is what you are inside. That is all that you have now, that is all that you'll have when you pass.

I am a spiritual person I know only the moment today. I do what I can and that is all that I need to do. Living with a chronic illness changed me. when I say me I mean the person I am inside. What my body does is not me just my body. I am sort of afraid to go on because I know the tongue will betray me. It's best to just project the point.

Before I sat down to write this on my blog, I got a call from my dad. My grandmother has just passed. This is my mother's mother. My mom was cremated and her ashes will be buried with my grandmother. This is bringing that back to me and it's sad, for me. They are off doing other things now, I am missing them. Funerals are for the living.