02.01.10

Well here I am in a Brave New World. Hopefully my ending won't be as sad as Huxley's book.

Definately a pageturner just the same. So I am sitting before my laptop and wondering what activity should I try tomrrow?

It's truly sad that I cannot seem to wake before noon and even further still I am so fatigued that I do not have the energy to get dressed and out the door before 5. So you see this is my dilema. I did let the Social Security Administration know about my extreme fatigue as well as other issues. But wait, I think I'm getting ahead of myself here. So, earlier this week, on the 28th I had this phone interview with the SSA going over my claim for disability. I made sure to mention all of the points that I think are important for filing disability. I let him know that I am not able to work and have had deminishing health since at least 2003. I understand that since I was making a sustainable income that I don't qualify to have the payments/status retroactive. This is fair to me, it would be nice but I understand that if every nickle and dimer took this approach we'd all be in the poorhouse. Well through my conversation with him I was slure to mention how my years of hiking, biking, rollerblading and even working out are over. It is sad and depressing to me because these are the things that I would look forward to enjoying on days off. Now I am excited about if case nuber 7 has the half a million dollars in it. I guess a psychologist would determine that I'm depressed and maybe that's true but as I mentioned yesterday, I need time to simply zone out and meditate. Isn't that what drugs like Xanex do for people? I think it's just being able to reach that state that's the hardest. It's my personal opinion that mary J should be leagalized and classified as an antidepressant but oviously the decision makers got too baked themselves and have forgotten how easy it makes things.

For now I will rely on my prescribed Celexxa and hopefully relax and gain a nonchelonce about missing out on life. This post was not meant to be depressing yet somehow it is. If you decide to read A Brave New World, I emplore you to skip the final pages.